My Blog Skin

2011
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I have been changing themes again for the past few weeks. I know I know I know I know I know (to the nth power) I promised I’d be contented with Thesis forever but I can’t help it. Genesis framework is so cool. There are plenty of skins to choose from and most of them are easy to customize. Take note though that when I say “easy” I don’t really mean easy in its exact definition. What I’m trying to say is that, you can self-study it and learn on your own.

Recently, I learned how to tweak the CSS (custom style sheet) and I’m so excited to designed my own blog(s). First, I am studying different Photoshop techniques. For me it’s difficult because I am completely ignorant about this software and I have no background in image types. I am slowly introducing myself to PNG, JPG, and GIF files. It’s crazy because I used to hear these terms in my previous job but I never bothered to ask what they really mean.

Anyway, I’m not using Genesis for Blogful Life. I installed Headway for this blog but I’m not sure yet if this is final. Headway is a drag and drop framework. Knowledge of coding language is not necessary to customize the design and it’s not helping me in my ambition of becoming a web designer. Yeah, I’m so ambitious. Hehehe. Someday I want to say that I’m a freelance writer / web designer :P Anyway, for now I have to do it manually to understand how this thing works. Wish me luck.

Filed Under: the world is not enough, work-life balance

In a foul mood

2011
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What’s the use of a good page rank if I won’t be earning from it? The recent Google PR upgrade is useless and I waited 2 years for this crap. I want to convince myself that somehow I’m going to benefit from my PR4 but right now, it seems that the whole universe world wide web conspired so I won’t get anything from it.

I’m so annoyed. Why are things always difficult for me? Why are they always rejecting my blogs? They never run out of reasons. I should have given up on them years ago.  I have to look for other ways to monetize this blog.

On a lighter note, I thought I was late again in my Odesk deadline. So, before my boss start to preach about how important it is to meet the turn around time, I sent them an email saying something like:

- I know the report is late again. And I also know that there are no acceptable reasons so I won’t explain. I just want to let you know that the source which you have provided to me is already obsolete. -

Surprisingly, they said I did a great job and that I am actually a day ahead of due date. I forgot that MNL is 13 hours ahead of NY. So, if the articles’ due date is Sunday night, that means Monday noon. Until now, I still can’t understand how time zone works or what it means. Whatever. I’m happy because they said they are giving me a permanent job :)

But I’m still in a foul mood …

Annoyed with so many things but I am mostly annoyed at myself. I now realized that my greatest enemy is myself. I am already in a stage where I can earn $300 a week but for some reason, I’m just too lazy to finish the tasks. What’s wrong with me? I want to earn more but my body is uncooperative. I hate myself.

Filed Under: blogging income, going nuts, ramblings, the world is not enough, work-life balance

just another day

2011
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i woke up this morning and was disappointed to read a notification email from odesk. one of my online employers ended my blogging contract. sad :( he said they had to put the project on hold. this means that they will no longer send the sample products and that my weekly earnings will also decrease.

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i still have 10 other contracts in odesk but that was what i considered the best employer i ever had. now i’m getting paranoid. was i not good enough for the job? they said they’ll be in touch but somehow, i felt like it was just their polite way of saying that they are now looking for a new blogger who has the ability to meet their expectations.

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i wanted the sadness to linger long enough for me to really feel it. but today is such a happy day, even the drizzly weather failed to dampen my mood. it seems that the whole universe conspired to help me get everything i want for the day. yup, that’s right. today, i got everything i wanted and the day isn’t over yet. i feel that the best is yet to come ;)

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after more than a month of being “AWOL” my former boss sent me an email asking if i still have a plan to submit a resignation letter. for me, it’s a good news. the bosses are asking. does it mean that they care? although, i’ve already brainwashed the sane part of my mind that it doesn’t matter whether i’m awol or not, something inside of me is telling me to take this last chance to do the right thing.

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i have until tomorrow to decide. by monday, my decision should be finalized. i’m not stupid. i know and i understand the difference between right and wrong. i know that i’m being given one more chance to  correct whatever needs to be corrected. i’m not stupid. but i’m one hell of a stubborn person.

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i have a new dress from Juana. it’s a filipino brand that resembles dresses and tops from zara. the designs are incredibly smart and elegant. i love it and i want to buy more. i’m gonna wear it tomorrow for hakob’s christening. but when tried it on and my mother saw it, she said “ano ka bata?!” hahahaha! she doesn’t know what is “in style” today. or maybe it’s really me who is baduy? haha!

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i have a new theme. dear diary. i hope you noticed. i promised myself that i’m gonna stick with thesis forever but i can’t help it. i just have to experience dear diary. i’ve been wanting a notebook theme for as long as i can remember and this one’s almost perfect. as i’ve said, i just wanna taste this. and then after a couple of weeks i’m going back to thesis.

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i feel that another contract is gonna end soon. the one who gave me a bonus right after the two hours i spent for their SEO campaign. i admit. it’s going to be my fault, if ever. i haven’t been exerting  much effort for the project. the contract is for 40 hours a week and so far, i’ve only worked 3 hours since monday. do you want to know what SEO specialists do? We, They create backlinks by leaving relevant comments in forums and do-follow blogs.

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from the moment i opened my eyes this morning, i’ve been really thankful. there are also a few things to worry about but that’s just normal. the thing that concerns me most as of this moment is if my blue dress is going to look good on me. i don’t want to look glamorous. i want everything plain and simple. i’ll try to upload a picture when i find time.

Filed Under: going nuts, memoirs of an old maid, think like a blogger, work-life balance

Wayward

2011
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Now that I am officially AWOL from my office job, I have to take freelance writing more seriously.

As in.

No more missed deadlines.

Eight hours everyday will be alloted for writing, for strict compliance.

And I’ll try my best to improve my English writing skills, if there’s any.

Speaking of being “AWOL,” I thought it’s going to be an emotional and disconcerting phase of my life.

But quite surprisingly, I am not affected.

I don’t care if I’m “AWOL.”

There.

I said it.

I know it’s not what most people are expecting to hear me say.

Perhaps, they would like to hear that I’m depressed and regretful of the decisions which I’ve done recently.

But to tell the truth, I’ve already gone past caring.

Caring for what?

For what other people think about me.

For the destructive criticisms and sarcasms.

For a career path which I’m supposed to be building at this age.

And for all the non-sense.

My mother, sister and best friend are all telling me to submit a resignation letter for formality.

They say it’s for professionalism’s sake.

For the 5 years and 10 months that I’ve spent with the company.

For the employment certification which I truly deserve.

For my sake.

And for everything I don’t consider important.

M asked me, “do you have a rebellious side?”

Huh?!

In the deepest recesses of my heart, I couldn’t find any regret, anger, nor hatred.

I may be “AWOL” but I’m contented.

A dangerous kind of contentment.

The kind that does not push me to go back to the corporate world.

I feel I would be happy to spend the rest of my life working online.

And it’s not because my current earnings are far better than my salary as a rank and file employee.

Quite frankly, the reason why I stayed with my previous company for that long, in spite of the fact that the salary is super low, is because I loved the job.

It didn’t matter if the rate was not enough to buy all the things that I want.

So, what’s my problem?

If it’s not about money then why did I have to leave this way?

Nothing.

Just one Saturday, I went to Binondo Church and I prayed that if ever I’d be leaving the company, I hope that He will grant me happiness.

And then the following Monday, there was this weird feeling.

I didn’t want to go to work anymore.

Forever.

And it’s not because of laziness.

It just didn’t feel right to continue working when I’m no longer happy.

Then after a week, I received an email from one of my colleagues saying that if I’m not going to report to work on that day, the bosses are going to fire me.

Based on the tone of the email, I felt that I am being threatened.

End of story.

I shouldn’t be blogging about this. But I want to let you know that I have no regrets whatsoever.

This is exactly what I want to happen.

I mean, dear boss, I never intended for things to end this way but I’m just too lazy to come to office and tender my resignation.

I know, I know.

This is all wrong.

Adults are not supposed to act this way.

But I’ve come to a point when nothing matters anymore but my wants.

I mean, for once in my life, I want to do what pleases me.

And at the moment, this is what I want.

They say “sayang ang back pay!”

But as I’ve mentioned above, it’s not about money.

I’m just rebellious.

Filed Under: going nuts, hesitant to publish this, love letters are forever!, memoirs of an old maid, My first reflective essay, Personal Stuff, ramblings, the world is not enough, work-life balance, Writing and Thinking

Distracted

2011
4 Comments

I have been neglecting everything for the past two weeks. Unfortunately, that ‘everything’ includes my health, my full-time job, and yes my freelancing job. Not only that it is affecting my income, I am also leaving a not-so-perfect impression to my online employer. My article is already two-weeks late. Can you imagine the implication of that?

Truth is, I have been trying to finish a blog post for him since last week but one of the molars in the right side of my mouth has been bothering me. It’s not really painful, just irritating. The dentist told me I have two options: root canal or extraction. Root canal is the perfect option if I’ll just consider vanity. But my friend who had just undergone the procedure told me it’s the worst pain she ever experienced.

I have a very low pain tolerance so root canal is definitely not an option. Besides, it’s not included in my health insurance so I will have to pay 7000 pesos for the entire process. This made me curse my current company. Why is root canal excluded in my health card? Hah! They’re so cheap!

So anyway, the other option is extraction. But I’m worried. Okay, I’m super scared. The last time I underwent tooth extraction was when I was 7 years old. I’m now 27 which means that that was already 20 years ago. As in two decades! I already forgot the ‘feeling.’ Friends told me it wouldn’t hurt a bit but I’m still scared :(

As I’ve said, it’s not really painful, just irritating that’s why I’m sort of hesitant to let my dentist extract the molar. But my mother is insisting because it’s not healthy and will cause bad breath. Yikes. I’m praying that I will gather enough courage to have this pulled out within this week. I’m really scared :(

I’m such a coward.

Filed Under: blogging income, Personal Stuff, the world is not enough, work-life balance
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