Now that I am officially AWOL from my office job, I have to take freelance writing more seriously.

As in.

No more missed deadlines.

Eight hours everyday will be alloted for writing, for strict compliance.

And I’ll try my best to improve my English writing skills, if there’s any.

Speaking of being “AWOL,” I thought it’s going to be an emotional and disconcerting phase of my life.

But quite surprisingly, I am not affected.

I don’t care if I’m “AWOL.”

There.

I said it.

I know it’s not what most people are expecting to hear me say.

Perhaps, they would like to hear that I’m depressed and regretful of the decisions which I’ve done recently.

But to tell the truth, I’ve already gone past caring.

Caring for what?

For what other people think about me.

For the destructive criticisms and sarcasms.

For a career path which I’m supposed to be building at this age.

And for all the non-sense.

My mother, sister and best friend are all telling me to submit a resignation letter for formality.

They say it’s for professionalism’s sake.

For the 5 years and 10 months that I’ve spent with the company.

For the employment certification which I truly deserve.

For my sake.

And for everything I don’t consider important.

M asked me, “do you have a rebellious side?”

Huh?!

In the deepest recesses of my heart, I couldn’t find any regret, anger, nor hatred.

I may be “AWOL” but I’m contented.

A dangerous kind of contentment.

The kind that does not push me to go back to the corporate world.

I feel I would be happy to spend the rest of my life working online.

And it’s not because my current earnings are far better than my salary as a rank and file employee.

Quite frankly, the reason why I stayed with my previous company for that long, in spite of the fact that the salary is super low, is because I loved the job.

It didn’t matter if the rate was not enough to buy all the things that I want.

So, what’s my problem?

If it’s not about money then why did I have to leave this way?

Nothing.

Just one Saturday, I went to Binondo Church and I prayed that if ever I’d be leaving the company, I hope that He will grant me happiness.

And then the following Monday, there was this weird feeling.

I didn’t want to go to work anymore.

Forever.

And it’s not because of laziness.

It just didn’t feel right to continue working when I’m no longer happy.

Then after a week, I received an email from one of my colleagues saying that if I’m not going to report to work on that day, the bosses are going to fire me.

Based on the tone of the email, I felt that I am being threatened.

End of story.

I shouldn’t be blogging about this. But I want to let you know that I have no regrets whatsoever.

This is exactly what I want to happen.

I mean, dear boss, I never intended for things to end this way but I’m just too lazy to come to office and tender my resignation.

I know, I know.

This is all wrong.

Adults are not supposed to act this way.

But I’ve come to a point when nothing matters anymore but my wants.

I mean, for once in my life, I want to do what pleases me.

And at the moment, this is what I want.

They say “sayang ang back pay!”

But as I’ve mentioned above, it’s not about money.

I’m just rebellious.