Untitled

2012
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I’m a huge fan of Itazura na Kiss so I can’t help but compare Korean (Playful Kiss) versus Taiwanese (It Started with a Kiss) version. I think the latter is funnier and more realistic. Plus I fell in love with Joe Cheng. He’s so adorable. He reminds me of someone. They have the same eyes and eyebrows, body-built, and length of hair.

Yes, blogmates. I have a crush. After 4 years of being isolated from the male species (hahaha!), I have a crush. This time in the form of a real human being. This time, I am not in love with a virtual person, or an anime character, or a Korean actor. But this time is worse because he does not even know my name. I’m not saying that those Korean actors know me. All I’m saying is I’m stupid.

Well, I’m not in love. It’s just a crush. And my friends are not very supportive because we don’t know him at all. We don’t have common friends. He might be a criminal or worse he already has a girlfriend. That’s right, blogmates. It would be better for him to be a criminal than to be taken. LOLz. Joke.

Anyway, for the entire month of January, I’m busy trying to forget about him. What the .. ?! I’m so stupid. I went out with friends and tried my best to occupy my mind with other things like reading and watching all episodes of It Started with a Kiss.

Are you familiar with the plot? A girl is madly in love with someone who can’t like her back. For 5 years, she did everything to win his heart and almost ended up having her heart broken. Can you imagine the embarrassing moments she had to endure? It’s hilarious. I can’t bare to see some of the scenes because, blogmates, S is a woman. I feel embarrassed for her. Even if it’s just a drama.

I think that is the major difference between men and women. You can court a girl even if she doesn’t like you and yet there is still a possibility of winning her heart. But men. *Shrug* You can’t change a man’s mind. If he’s not interested then he’s not. But the girl in the story was able to do it. She won his heart … after FIVE YEARS! Haha! It’s one of the best love stories for me. Better than The Notebook and 50 First Dates. Just my opinion.

Here is something you ought to know. I asked J if it’s acceptable for a woman to court a man. She’s a modern lady who has a masteral degree in Men and Relationships. (Hahaha! I love you friend!) She said it’s dangerous. He might not reject you but might take advantage of the situation. Or, he might like you too but won’t see you as the future mother of his kids. Mmmm … that makes sense.

Filed Under: going nuts, memoirs of an old maid, ramblings

About my non-sense thoughts

2011
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Written on July 28, 2011. Forgot to publish it …

Tonight, I brushed my teeth for more than an hour which makes me feel like I’ve just eaten a whole basket of green mangoes. I was supposed to meet my dentist today for annual cleaning (is that also called prophylaxis?) but I was victimized by pickpockets last July 22 and all my money was taken including my budget for dental cleaning. So to make “bawi” with my crooked teeth, I felt the urge to treat them in one whole hour of brushing, flossing and gargling of water with salt. I hope they feel better now. I promise to take them to the doctor’s clinic as soon as I get my new ATM cards.

I saw her blog today. Let’s call her Ms. N. She was a former schoolmate in college and she’s one of my favorite bloggers. Though we were never friends, Ms. N knows my name. And for me that’s kinda cool because she’s like a star back then. She’s pretty and a very intelligent lady (read: cum laude) and yup, she’s from a well-to-do family. In our sophomore year, I heard the other students talking about her debutante gown. Purple, fancy and all the way from Spain. You see, when you are a second year college student, people act as if it’s the most important event on earth. I have no beef though, that’s normal. Anyway, I was happy when I discovered about her website months ago. Would you believe that Georgina Wilson, the model and TV personality, hyped two of her blog entries in lookbook.nu? Yes. She must be very proud. She deserves it. You should see her fashion blog: tumblr high in heels, it’s amazing.

I don’t know if this is just a side effect of me being victimized by pickpockets, but I’ve been feeling so alone these past few days. Perhaps, you already know that I don’t like Facebook. Not that I “hate” it, I’m just not interested. Anyway, I opened my account last night and was happy to see updates from friends and acquaintances. One particular thing that caught my attention was a post from a friend who happens to be a college dean now. That’s really cool. We were schoolmates from high school to college, same batch, so basically we’re of the same age. But unlike me, she’s such an achiever. I’m not envious though. She utterly deserves her successes in life. I just couldn’t help but think about my life. About their lives. About my family’s life. Well, maybe there are some things that I can’t confess even in my blog. In fact, I can’t even admit it to myself why I don’t like FB. It’s … never mind.

Speaking of success, I received an email today from a great leader. I have a free subscription to his blog so every now and then I’m receiving invitations and inspirational stories from him. The story for today is very inspiring. He was asked why he has become very successful in life and his answer was quite simple. It’s because he failed. He failed so many times that he already lost count of his failures. That made me think hard. Then my sister-in-law asked me if I want to become famous. Without thinking, I said no. That was the biggest NO in the history of question and answer portion between sisters-in-law. I don’t want attention. So, I’m thinking of ways to succeed without drawing attention from people. Is that possible? Cuz I’m such a lunatic person. I can’t handle fame. On the second thought, why would I ever be famous? Unless, something really miserable happens to me, God forbid, like murder, ouch! The thought is enough to make me cringe. Enough about success talk. It’s driving me nuts. Makes me remember that crazy FB app that can predict how a person is going to die. And yes, the app said, I’d be murdered in the future. I don’t believe that stupid app. Only God knows. Think positive. The only reason for me to be famous in the future is a book. A well-written book authored by Sterndal. Now that feels better :)

But a book? I can’t even write a good blog entry. Something that would be hyped by the likes of Georgina Wilson. LOL. Truth be told, I don’t give a damn. I don’t need fame. At 27*, I learned that it’s all about money. Everybody needs cash. Sounds evil, huh? That’s the effing truth. I want to earn lots of money but I also learned that writing is a cutthroat business. You wanna earn more? Then write some more. Write, write, write and write until your brain can’t take it anymore. I can do that too. I can also earn 50k a month. But the question is, am I willing to work 60-80 hours a week and do nothing but write? Maybe for some, it’s worth their time but not for me. I don’t want to grow old and look back and tell myself, yeah that’s all I did when I was younger. That’s BS. So, now that I haven’t figured out yet how am I going to earn much without doing much, I have to be contented with my modest income. Honestly, I’m confused. Maybe I should work work work and save lots of money so I can have a comfortable life when I grow old? I don’t know. Whatever. After all, the birds do not sow, or reap, or store away in barns …

Filed Under: memoirs of an old maid, Personal Stuff, ramblings

In a foul mood

2011
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What’s the use of a good page rank if I won’t be earning from it? The recent Google PR upgrade is useless and I waited 2 years for this crap. I want to convince myself that somehow I’m going to benefit from my PR4 but right now, it seems that the whole universe world wide web conspired so I won’t get anything from it.

I’m so annoyed. Why are things always difficult for me? Why are they always rejecting my blogs? They never run out of reasons. I should have given up on them years ago.  I have to look for other ways to monetize this blog.

On a lighter note, I thought I was late again in my Odesk deadline. So, before my boss start to preach about how important it is to meet the turn around time, I sent them an email saying something like:

- I know the report is late again. And I also know that there are no acceptable reasons so I won’t explain. I just want to let you know that the source which you have provided to me is already obsolete. -

Surprisingly, they said I did a great job and that I am actually a day ahead of due date. I forgot that MNL is 13 hours ahead of NY. So, if the articles’ due date is Sunday night, that means Monday noon. Until now, I still can’t understand how time zone works or what it means. Whatever. I’m happy because they said they are giving me a permanent job :)

But I’m still in a foul mood …

Annoyed with so many things but I am mostly annoyed at myself. I now realized that my greatest enemy is myself. I am already in a stage where I can earn $300 a week but for some reason, I’m just too lazy to finish the tasks. What’s wrong with me? I want to earn more but my body is uncooperative. I hate myself.

Filed Under: blogging income, going nuts, ramblings, the world is not enough, work-life balance

Wayward

2011
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Now that I am officially AWOL from my office job, I have to take freelance writing more seriously.

As in.

No more missed deadlines.

Eight hours everyday will be alloted for writing, for strict compliance.

And I’ll try my best to improve my English writing skills, if there’s any.

Speaking of being “AWOL,” I thought it’s going to be an emotional and disconcerting phase of my life.

But quite surprisingly, I am not affected.

I don’t care if I’m “AWOL.”

There.

I said it.

I know it’s not what most people are expecting to hear me say.

Perhaps, they would like to hear that I’m depressed and regretful of the decisions which I’ve done recently.

But to tell the truth, I’ve already gone past caring.

Caring for what?

For what other people think about me.

For the destructive criticisms and sarcasms.

For a career path which I’m supposed to be building at this age.

And for all the non-sense.

My mother, sister and best friend are all telling me to submit a resignation letter for formality.

They say it’s for professionalism’s sake.

For the 5 years and 10 months that I’ve spent with the company.

For the employment certification which I truly deserve.

For my sake.

And for everything I don’t consider important.

M asked me, “do you have a rebellious side?”

Huh?!

In the deepest recesses of my heart, I couldn’t find any regret, anger, nor hatred.

I may be “AWOL” but I’m contented.

A dangerous kind of contentment.

The kind that does not push me to go back to the corporate world.

I feel I would be happy to spend the rest of my life working online.

And it’s not because my current earnings are far better than my salary as a rank and file employee.

Quite frankly, the reason why I stayed with my previous company for that long, in spite of the fact that the salary is super low, is because I loved the job.

It didn’t matter if the rate was not enough to buy all the things that I want.

So, what’s my problem?

If it’s not about money then why did I have to leave this way?

Nothing.

Just one Saturday, I went to Binondo Church and I prayed that if ever I’d be leaving the company, I hope that He will grant me happiness.

And then the following Monday, there was this weird feeling.

I didn’t want to go to work anymore.

Forever.

And it’s not because of laziness.

It just didn’t feel right to continue working when I’m no longer happy.

Then after a week, I received an email from one of my colleagues saying that if I’m not going to report to work on that day, the bosses are going to fire me.

Based on the tone of the email, I felt that I am being threatened.

End of story.

I shouldn’t be blogging about this. But I want to let you know that I have no regrets whatsoever.

This is exactly what I want to happen.

I mean, dear boss, I never intended for things to end this way but I’m just too lazy to come to office and tender my resignation.

I know, I know.

This is all wrong.

Adults are not supposed to act this way.

But I’ve come to a point when nothing matters anymore but my wants.

I mean, for once in my life, I want to do what pleases me.

And at the moment, this is what I want.

They say “sayang ang back pay!”

But as I’ve mentioned above, it’s not about money.

I’m just rebellious.

Filed Under: going nuts, hesitant to publish this, love letters are forever!, memoirs of an old maid, My first reflective essay, Personal Stuff, ramblings, the world is not enough, work-life balance, Writing and Thinking

Spare me a vinegar

2011
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Being alone has a lot of advantages. My electric and water consumption is very minimal hence the bills are below P300 a month. When I was still living with my mother, our monthly Meralco bill was reaching P2000++ and we’re just a family of 4 members. But this is not to say that I’m now able to lower my expenses. Living on my own is boring and is making me sad. My mother does not bring me breakfast every morning and the funny little boy does not visit me every weekend. Literally speaking, I have no one to talk to. Haha! Makes you imagine I’m residing in a jungle, eh?

Of course, I have neighbors. But most of them are already mothers. What’s the problem with that? Well, every morning I hear them nagging either to their husbands or to their kids. Sometimes, I find them entertaining and then there also are times when I find them annoying. One day, a 40-ish woman from Block 9 offered a bottle of vinegar to me for P300. Truth is, I don’t need to buy a huge bottle and my common sense told me it’s overpriced. I know about the benefits of vinegar to my body but a huge bottle is like a 10-years supply for me :) Anyway, for the sake of being neighbors, I bought one.

That’s the reason why I’d rather not mingle with neighbors. Only two things will happen every time I talk to them. Either, they’d sell something or they’d borrow small amounts of money like P20 or P50 which they have no plans of paying back :) When I daydream, I see myself living and working in Paris. I’ve collected lots of photos of the City of Lights so it’s easy to imagine things. But there is something about our place that I don’t want to leave. This is where real life happens. This is where real people live.

Going back to my pretty expensive bottle of vinegar, I’m finding better ways to put it into better use. I can’t cook pork adobo everyday. But I can use it in cleaning the tiles on the sink, I’ll experiment if it can be a substitute to good old baking soda. But I don’t want to clean, I’m just too lazy to that. I think the best that I can do is to give it away to neighbors for free :) One to two cups of vinegar to each of them hehe.

 

Filed Under: ramblings
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